Centerfold
by Era Dubois
Summary: A song has inspired this wacky work. Spike has pulled a prank that just might change things for the better. Post series. Rated M for material that may not be suitable for younger audiences such as language and innuendo.


_I own nothing. Joss owns all. All hail Mutant Enemy._

 _Thursday, April 1st 6:45 pm Rome_

Dawn was tapping her foot and flipping through the magazine as she waited for her sister and Andrew. Buffy had allowed the once-guestage to stay with the sisters after it was discovered that his own flat was infested with...something. There were varying descriptions and sometimes it was rodent while at others it was insect. Whatever the cause the effect was having more dishes to do, laundry to fold, and mail to sort. There were some interesting articles in Cosmo, however, Dawn had read them three times already. She blindly reached for another magazine and began flipping the pages without really looking at them.

"Buffy! Come on! They're gonna give away our reservations again." She looked down at the magazine and for a stupefying instant she was frozen.

"Fine! I'll go out in just anything. It's not like these nights out are far _or_ few between. It'll…" Midway through Buffy's rant Dawn unfroze and threw the magazine away from her body and scurried off and away from the couch all the while repeating, "Ohmygahomagaomagaomaga."

"What?" Buffy's brow scrunched as her little sister pointed dumbly at the offending article. She walked in a huff to the magazine and picked up. "Please, Dawn. It's not like it's gonna come out and bite yo-Ohmygod!"

 _Thursday April 1st 9:00 am Los Angeles_

Angel was storming through the lobby of Wolfram and Hart. His thunderous expression and determined pace caused his friends to stay back and Harmony eeped as she stepped back from her attempt to give the boss his morning mug. Angel threw open and consequently slammed shut the door to his office. The hand not clutching the glossy print of the periodical grasped the back of his chair and swiveled it so that his pain in the ass of a Grandchilde was facing him. The idiot was holding his phone. _Please don't have called any clients._

"What the hell Spike?!" He spat, literally, seeing as how said pain in the ass wiped his cheek clean of the spittle.

"Wot?" Spike was really trying to look innocent.

"You. Know. What." Angel raised his eyebrows in an attempt to coerce the younger vampire.

"Actually, I don't. See, I got my fingers in a lot of pretty pies and you're gonna have ta clarify." The smirk he had really warranted smacking but the elder vamp was trying to work through this without it coming to blows.

"This!" Angel thrust the magazine at Spike and leaned back against his desk.

"Ho-yeah," Spike tittered. _Tittered_ , "I remember this one."

"Andrew!" Buffy was beet red and Dawn wasn't sure if it was from anger or embarrassment. Andrew Wells chronicler of the great Slayer's many adventures since the Epic Final Battle of Sunnydale ran gallantly to the aid of the magnificent hero.

"Yes Buffy?" He took in the scene presented to him. When his eyes landed on the particular piece of reading material in the mighty Slayer's hand he wasn't sure what was going to happen.

"How didj-, how'd, how...How?!" She threw the magazine into his arms and Andrew frowned as he tried to catch it. He saw that it was _that_ magazine. The mystery magazine that he, Warren, and Jonathan had all been receiving as some strange joke. The fact it had followed him to Italy was a bit frightening but he could never escape it. "Buffy, I don't know why this get's delivered. Trust me. I didn't forward it here. It just follows me around."

"Not that. How is that...how is that?" The fearsome slayer gestured wildly at the flap of paper hanging out of it.

Andrew lifted the magazine and turned it to the side revealing the spread. There on a backdrop of rolling green hills with a picturesque cottage in the distance, standing against the elements with naught but a flat cap covering his manly bits was…"Wait isn't that?"

"Angel is the centerfold!" Dawn proclaimed with a voice more squeak than actual words.

"Tell me how you did it." Angel demanded through a clenched jaw. Spike studied the Bods and Brogues special edition of _Blueboy._

"Figured you were more of a _Bound and Gagged_ kinda guy. You know? From personal experience." Angel snatched the magazine back from the younger vamp.

"I was going to read it for the articles. I didn't know what it was." He threw it in the waste paper basket under the desk.

"Black plastic cover didn' tip you off then?" Spike stood, bumped his grandsire slightly on the way by, and walked over to the door. "Or maybe you just saw the title and thought ' _Finally a_ guide _to brooding'_."

"Shut up Spike!" The perpetual thorn in his side was in the garage and borrowing another car by the time Angel realized he had never answered the question. He leaned down and picked up the magazine looking over the centerfold and allowing a small nod at the work that must have went into producing such a convincing fake. "As long as no one else sees this we're fine."

Buffy was pacing as she called the one number she had for Angel. It clicked over and she thought she heard swearing on the other end and figured he must have dropped the receiver.

"Hullo. The great git isn't in right now. How may I take your call?" Spike twirled in the chair a bit. "Hullo?"

Buffy had froze at the sound of his voice. "Spike?"

"Buffy." It wasn't a question. It was little more than a breath.

"Spike you're...how?" She started to pace while Dawn and Andrew looked at each other with confusion.

"Amulet." Spike stared at the back wall of Angel's posh office.

"Oh." Buffy sat on the coffee table. "You're with Angel."

"Not by choice."

"I'm in Rome." Her voice didn't feel right. It came out in numb breaths.

"Do you hate me?" He needed to know.

Buffy felt a grin tug ever so slightly at the corners of her mouth. "A little."

"I'm on my way."

"I'll be here." Her vampire clicked off and Buffy let the smile take over her face. She looked at her bewildered audience. "Guys, how would you like to hang out around Leonardo da Vinci Airport tomorrow?"

The only answer she got were twin smiles before everything devolved into excited giggles and plans of preparation.


End file.
